Severe Consequences For Incomplete Homework

My mom shared this account from when she was explaining the consequences of not doing homework to Spanish-speaking ESL students:

"As I was scolding students in my combined 4-5-6 grade ESL class in Sunnydale Elementary for not turning in their homework assignments, I tried to strike fear in their hearts by saying they could flunk. Unfortunately for me, the word I chose was fallacer. I had read it somewhere and seen it translated as 'to fail'. I found out a couple of days later from one of my little girl students that I had pronounced a death sentence on them all, because fallacer means to fail in health [to the point of death]. I asked the girl how many of them had gone home and told their parents what I said, and she smiled and said she knew of a few. The word I should have used was either fracasar or to tell them they would have to 'repetir un grado'. Live and learn. I use that story now to encourage my students to use as much Spanish as they can, knowing that we all make mistakes, even the teacher."

If that's what you put in the food, I'm not eating it!

My mother shared the following language blooper with me recently:,

"I was caught by the ano vs año problem in a unique way. The instructors in our Foreign Service Institute classes warned us that at some point we'd make the mistake of telling someone we had multiple 'anos' when trying to tell our age. I determined never to make that mistake. But I still had my turn when I was asked to list the ingredients of a recipe as part of a class exercise. I was trying to tell them garlic (ajo) and managed to announce that my dish included 'ano'. "

For those who are not familiar, the word "ano" in Spanish means anus. Whoops!

One Letter Changes Everything

There are a number of words in Spanish that are only one letter or syllable away from another word that means something very different. Take, for example, the boo boo one of my companions often made when she meant to ask if someone was hungry.

Companion: Tienes hombre?

Me: Not as a missionary, I don't!

Explanation: What my companion meant to ask was, "Tienes hambre." However, by changing the "a" to an "o" my companion was now asking if I had a man. While that might be an interesting topic to discuss, it doesn't really have much to do with missionary work.

Photo ops

About halfway through my missionary service in Texas, a new missionary was assigned to work with me. Part of her training included working on improving her Spanish. She was determined to speak the language and was not hindered by fear of making mistakes. One afternoon we met with a father and daughter whom we had been teaching. They wanted to take a picture with my companion and I, but we had been out riding bikes and weren't feeling very photogenic at the moment. The daughter insisted, set up the camera, and started the timer. My companion quickly raised her hand to smooth her hair and cried out, "Es que tengo malo pecho!"

Now if you want to complain about your hair in Spanish you would either use the word pelo or cabello. Unfortunately, this new missionary used the word pecho, which means chest. I'm sure that family (and I) will not quickly forget that she was the missionary who didn't want her picture taken because she had a bad chest!

Moses spoke with God how?

While learning Spanish in the Missionary Training Center, one afternoon we were discussing how Moses spoke with the Lord in the burning bush (or so we thought). My classmate said, "Moises hablo con Dios por el arbol fumando." Literally translated, this classmate had said, "Moses spoke with God through the smoking tree." The verb, fumar, means to smoke - as in cigarrettes. I hope the guys who translated the scriptures were a little more accurate with their wording than this!

Speak out

When learning a new language, it is vital to speak it as much as possible. Having served as a missionary in Southern Texas right along the Mexican border, I had the opportunity to take a crash course in Spanish and then be put to work. The only way to be effective was to try and communicate as best as possible. There wasn't time for shyness or holding back on account of not knowing Spanish completely. So, as anyone who has ever studied a second (or third, fourth, fifth...) language can attest, there will be times when you make mistakes. Learning to see the humor in these mistakes and being able to laugh about them is what makes it possible for you to keep trying. And surprisingly enough, the more you make the effort to speak the new language, the faster you become proficient.
In this blog I will share many of the entertaining (and often embarrassing) errors I and other missionaries made as we struggled to help people who did not speak our first language. Additionally, upon returning to Washington from my mission, I began working with English Language Learners in a local high school. Because of my experiences with learning Spanish, I was able to understand the fear and hesitation of these non-native English speakers and tried to help them learn to laugh at their mistakes. Some of their English bloopers will also be shared here.